You, me and Him...

She was walking with him
Their hands tightly locked
He was holding her close
And she was smiling again

She was laughing with him
And nobody was shocked
He slowly kissed her nose
And I was smiling in pain

She was dreaming with him
And I was being mocked
He gave her a rose
And I kept smiling in vain

She was happy with him
And that feeling really sucked
How I wish I still was
The love who boarded her train

I had nothing against him
But a forbidden past was unlocked
And these painful memories up-close
Drop by drop, from my eyes, makes it rain...

Chapter 12: Indirect date

06 July 2000

Well, is it really surprising how news spread faster than a wild forest fire these days? I guess not ‘cause that was yesterdays news! Anyway, she rang up yesterday morning to tell me that the old fart was a big “L” looser and nothing more than a rotten bag of potatoes.

The tone, her voice…It felt like a large dose of morphine. I was taken aback, I mean not much, just a tinsy bit, when she said lets go out together. It was kind of sudden for an indirect date! Well not exactly a date, but just…I dunno…something like that.

I took one of my friends with me and she took one of her friends with her. They were supposed to be the dummy people fell for so that the purpose of the meeting was hidden. Literally speaking it was no fun at all. We were supposed to part and me and her, we were supposed to sit alone in Pizza King, but our friends didn’t leave us. They just sat there and all we did was stare at each other apart from eating pizza. I mean how could I be so stupid to call it a date? Anyway, we headed back with the promises of seeing each other and calling each other.

Next week is sports week. It’s called Simrik and only Nepalese took part in it. It was very nice of them to let me participate and I’m now in Basketball and Football. They also talked about Karuna, a fair that was supposed to be held after Simrik. Guess what, shes playing cricket. Although I have vowed to commit suicide before I watch or play cricket, I guess this is an exception. I mean common, now its all about me and her…I mean you know, in a good way..

Chapter 11: Love and Fists!

04 July 2000

It’s been always the same since that very night. Sleep won’t help me to wander off into the empty silence of the night. I was severely ill. The signs and symptoms were kind of a mystery for me, sleepless nights being the least of it. Lack of concentration, smiling for no reason, day dreaming, hearing violins seeing rainbows and her figure dancing in the pages while I write…even NOW…She wouldn’t go…I mean no I don’t want her to…aaaaaaah…Mr. My Conscious, where are you?

Am I in love? Bwaaahaahaha…Now that was funny even to think about, I mean come on, me and love…? I’m not that cheap and don’t have a price tag, so you’ll need more than JUST love to buy me off…and that doesn’t apply to gay people who stare at me in college premises.

Anyway, the second internals were drawing by and I was hectic as ever, trying to count how many muscles there were in my body. I got a particular interest on the facial muscles as I read them, the muscles that changed facial expressions…Her smile…no no…the muscles…no no…even she has facial muscles…where the hell Mr. Conscious Mind of mine?

Just two days before the second internals, I was revising what was left of pathology and suddenly a friend of mine came to visit me. He was sweating and looked kind of dull. He said, “Are you sleeping?” “Does it look like I have time to sleep? What’s up? You look as white as a ghost!”

“Sisir dai is drunk. He’s calling you downstairs…” He was feeling very uncomfortable to say it and I was left wondering why as I made my way downstairs. The lights were off and I could make a short figure standing in the balcony. “Sisir dai..” I said as I approached. He turned and I almost fell on the floor, thunderstruck with a punch from him. I couldn’t feel my cheeks and there was this stinging sensation in my nose as I felt the blood rush into my face…

I was kinda’ confused as he grabbed my shirt and pulled me close to his face. His breath stunk with the smell of whiskey. “Did you…you…dance with her…!” I couldn’t stop myself from saying no and I received another blow on the face. He was screaming about a warning he issued before the Welcome party and I couldn’t think straight as I was receiving multiple punches.

The lights flashed back on and I could make out my friends from the corner of my eyes. They were helpless as we were juniors. I wanted to punch him so badly I was shaking from head to foot. I was about to bounce back with a fist of mine, when his batch mates came and took him away.

I walked up the stairs with my batch mates who were there. Hot tears streamed down my face speaking words nobody understood except me. They tried to comfort me, gave me support…mentally.

At that point I understood the importance of family and I got an answer for that question which has been hovering in my mind from the first day I was separated from them…Am I doing the right thing…? No, coming here was a big mistake…

The very next day that guy came and said sorry and kissed me on the forehead while I was having dinner. I don’t think he would remember that ‘cause he was drunk then too…but that didn’t stop me from failing my internal exams…just by two marks…first failure in history.

But that’s that and I couldn’t spend much time dwelling upon it. So I just crawled inside the shell I used to be in, and locked my better part inside. At least I think that’s what I’m doing…

Chapter 10: The call

22 June 2000

It has been two weeks since I danced with the princess of my dreams, but nothing has happened after that. The breath catching performance seemed to be long gone

Just two night’s back now, I was sitting on my bed after a heavy meal with nothing to do when one of my buddies dropped by on phone, pretending as if nothing more matters to him in this world than the queen on the other end of the line.

To tell you the truth, I always wondered about how a romantic chat would sound like on phone. I mean hey, people take hours on phone and I can’t help wondering what they keep blabbering about. Just imagine if you say nothing at all apart from I love you, I love you, I love you and more I love you!

Anyway, he came and sat next to me and caught me by surprise, “Hey, could you give me “HER” number?”

Literally speaking, I fell off of bed like someone shot me in the head! He just hung up and flashed an evil grin. “Want to call her? Here’s the number…”

That made little fire crackers explode in my brain, not just one at a time, but all at once. “What the hack am I supposed to say? How am I supposed to start? What if I say something stupid?”

“Relax you ‘love pareyko manchey’ (means: the man in love), just speak!” he dialed the number and passed the cell to me. One ring gone…two rings gone…A sweat drop slid down my forehead, clinging on to dear life and my spine was rigid as steel. My stomach started doing multiple back flips when…“hello…” came the voice…

I thought my heart skipped a beat. That voice was so sweet…"hey...It’s me…" and I started off…time passed and eventually we said our good-nights. I didn’t realize it was almost an hour since I was on phone, but it didn’t even feel like 30 seconds. Jeez…I was feeling like soooo….

The guy just kept staring at me and I said “what” and he started laughing like a mad monkey! I jumped on him and started to wrestle him. With all the energy from that sweet voice of hers and the laughter that gave me goose bumps…the night ended with indescribable feelings and silent thoughts running up and down my brain, not to mention the effect on my heart rate!

They dirty game people think that they know...

People often talk about politics as if democracy was a simple maze where you enter from one end and get out from the other. It’s really easy once you view it on a piece of paper, to scribble down curves and bends without hitting the dead ends, but did you even for once think of how the situation would be if the maze was real? If you had to enter a dark place with an oil lamp to light the way, trust me you only think you know which way you are going, but you yourself will get confused about the right way. The thing that bugs me most is that some people rattle on about politics and they don’t have a clue about the seriousness of the matter.

Lately I get so irritated that when I catch the phrase “this party brought democracy home…” from someone, I cut across, asking the person what democracy is and the person either shuts up or tries to be the hero by saying “it’s the rule of people”, and when I say are you sure, they get this confusing look on their face and add “maybe”. Seriously, I have a pretty good idea that some people at this point maybe wondering whether they know the real meaning or not…So here’s something to help you…

Democracy is a form of political organization in which all people, through compromise, direct referendum or elected representatives exercise equal control over the matters which affect their interests. The term comes from the Greek: δημοκρατία – (dēmokratía) "rule of the people", which was coined from δῆμος (dêmos) "people" and κράτος (Kratos) "power"

The "majority rule" is often described as a characteristic feature of democracy, but without governmental or constitutional protections of individual liberties, it is possible for a minority of individuals to be oppressed by the "tyranny of the majority". An essential process in "ideal" representative democracies is competitive elections that are fair both substantively and procedurally. Furthermore, freedom of political expression, freedom of speech, and freedom of the press are considered by some to be essential so that citizens are informed and able to vote in their personal interests.

As for me, from the political turmoils so far in my country, it has taught me that democracy is just another name we give the people whenever we need them.