Chapter 11: Love and Fists!

04 July 2000

It’s been always the same since that very night. Sleep won’t help me to wander off into the empty silence of the night. I was severely ill. The signs and symptoms were kind of a mystery for me, sleepless nights being the least of it. Lack of concentration, smiling for no reason, day dreaming, hearing violins seeing rainbows and her figure dancing in the pages while I write…even NOW…She wouldn’t go…I mean no I don’t want her to…aaaaaaah…Mr. My Conscious, where are you?

Am I in love? Bwaaahaahaha…Now that was funny even to think about, I mean come on, me and love…? I’m not that cheap and don’t have a price tag, so you’ll need more than JUST love to buy me off…and that doesn’t apply to gay people who stare at me in college premises.

Anyway, the second internals were drawing by and I was hectic as ever, trying to count how many muscles there were in my body. I got a particular interest on the facial muscles as I read them, the muscles that changed facial expressions…Her smile…no no…the muscles…no no…even she has facial muscles…where the hell Mr. Conscious Mind of mine?

Just two days before the second internals, I was revising what was left of pathology and suddenly a friend of mine came to visit me. He was sweating and looked kind of dull. He said, “Are you sleeping?” “Does it look like I have time to sleep? What’s up? You look as white as a ghost!”

“Sisir dai is drunk. He’s calling you downstairs…” He was feeling very uncomfortable to say it and I was left wondering why as I made my way downstairs. The lights were off and I could make a short figure standing in the balcony. “Sisir dai..” I said as I approached. He turned and I almost fell on the floor, thunderstruck with a punch from him. I couldn’t feel my cheeks and there was this stinging sensation in my nose as I felt the blood rush into my face…

I was kinda’ confused as he grabbed my shirt and pulled me close to his face. His breath stunk with the smell of whiskey. “Did you…you…dance with her…!” I couldn’t stop myself from saying no and I received another blow on the face. He was screaming about a warning he issued before the Welcome party and I couldn’t think straight as I was receiving multiple punches.

The lights flashed back on and I could make out my friends from the corner of my eyes. They were helpless as we were juniors. I wanted to punch him so badly I was shaking from head to foot. I was about to bounce back with a fist of mine, when his batch mates came and took him away.

I walked up the stairs with my batch mates who were there. Hot tears streamed down my face speaking words nobody understood except me. They tried to comfort me, gave me support…mentally.

At that point I understood the importance of family and I got an answer for that question which has been hovering in my mind from the first day I was separated from them…Am I doing the right thing…? No, coming here was a big mistake…

The very next day that guy came and said sorry and kissed me on the forehead while I was having dinner. I don’t think he would remember that ‘cause he was drunk then too…but that didn’t stop me from failing my internal exams…just by two marks…first failure in history.

But that’s that and I couldn’t spend much time dwelling upon it. So I just crawled inside the shell I used to be in, and locked my better part inside. At least I think that’s what I’m doing…