Chapter 9: Welcome!

3rd June 2000

Ok, now here’s the catch, you going to a party and you need to look hot to catch a fish!
So we, I mean me and the guys went into town in search of the perfect bait to reel in the big guns. After hours of searching, I finally found something that suited me, a faded black shirt. Time was short, so I decided that I’ll go with it.

Around 14:30pm all of us headed towards Nirvana Hotel in the college bus and awaited the arrival of the ladies carriage. We were just checking out the decorations of the place when the babes started to climb up the stairs. God was so perfect in his creation of women that all the boys were, frankly speaking, ogling at the ladies wondering what happened to their regular dresses (which actually made them look old!)

Anyway, the long awaited welcome party fired off with proper introductions where I gave my intro in Nepali. The senior was impressed and he asked me, “Timlai hamro batch bata kun didi man’parcha?” (Which means: from our batch, who is your favorite senior sister?) I was expecting the question and previously asked Bishal for an answer. So I replied, “Aruna didi”..There were lot of oooooo’s and aaaaaaaaaa’s but to tell you the truth, I didn’t even know her!

The next item on the agenda was talent hunt, where I sang a Nepali song impressing a lot of my fellow colleagues (all the credit goes to Bishal Acharya once again) and finally, the disco balls started to paint the dance floor with flashes of the brightest colors…and my eyes immediately started searching for her…

I found her and had an idea. Before I edged towards her, I asked the DJ to play one song for us…When I made my way towards her, she was already dancing with the hyper-fancy-feet-happy-go-lucky vampire of the class…

“This song goes out to _ _ _ _ _ _, dedicated by the international lad!” I butted out the other guy and ushered my hand to her and she took it. It was so soft…I looked into her eyes and for the first time we had a proper conversation while moving with the flow of the romantic rhythm. I don’t know how many time I stepped on her feet, but she just kept smiling and it was killing me!
Bottom line, when the party was over, I wasn’t wearing a black shirt, it was white!!!

Chapter 8: Seniors and Juniors

17th May 2000

I was shifted into the hostel and the second night; I was kissed by an acid fly. When I came here, I heard rumors that a senior liked her.

That evening Sisir Gaire dai called me and told me that I was safe with the Nepalese and they loved me like their own brother. You know there is a saying, “Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer”
Ok so, what happened next was this morning, when I went to class, my friend Krishna gave me a card and said that Gaire dai had given this to pass to “her”. So I took it and added a note of mine. In my note I said,
“I’m extremely sorry that I have to be a mediator like this, but I hope you understand the relationship between senior and junior”
Thanx
= _ _ _ _ _=

I took a deep breath and approached her. I called her and she turned…She took both the card and note from me when I handed it and I added “I hate doing this” in a typical tone.

The net was set and the charm was cast. She took my note and put it inside her notebook, she rejected the card! She said that she didn’t want it and I told her that dai will kill me. The bell rang and it was time for lunch.

As usual, a 5 rupee cake filled mu tummy and I was sitting in class early. Her gang also arrived early and from the other end of the opposite bench she called me. She said, “It’s ok. Just tell dai that I rejected it.” I said I’ll do it and I gave her a smile and she returned one back.

That evening I found a torn card on the ground. I joined the two pieces and it read, “FRIENDSHIP”. I smiled at it and thought to myself, “friendship….hmmmmm….”

Chapter 7: Prom night!

29th April 2000

Carrom Mania was a blast. It was organized by the 6th batch seniors and I joined in at the last moment. I tagged with a guy named Rupak and we reached the semi finals together and lost there. It was a tough challenge as the rules were new and the board was of mid-evil times with a plastic set of coins. But, hey, no complaining there, I was willing to practice my playing for anything. At the end, there was a huge dance party and I, for the first time in my life attended a dance party.

I thought of calling it my first prom night but I guess it would have been useless since neither I nor my friends had dates!

However, all the girls of the class were invited and at around 10:30 pm, the dance floor started to heat up.

The interns started dancing and my friends started to join in. I hid behind several of those people who were too shy to perform. For one thing, I was interested in dancing, but my mind was set on finding “her”. I was constantly searching until I found her dancing with her friends.
My heart flattered at the very sight. I let one of the guys pull me in and I joined the crazy floor where everyone was moving and shaking it.

I slowly edged towards her. She looked really pretty in the pink and white top with blue jeans. I have seen her dance before and wasn’t surprised at how flexible she was.
I was dancing close by and one of my friends pushed me towards her. I bumped into her and she stumbled but kept on dancing.

I didn’t give a damn either and kept on dancing. It was one of the most memorable nights. I was having the time of my life. I was shocked when the DJ announced it was 1:30 am in the morning. The girl’s bus came and they left.

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

After they left, I was sitting outside with some of my friends and went inside to get some water.
When I came out, she was standing outside looking at the pouring rain. I asked her what happened and she said that she missed the bus. I asked her whether she wanted to walk. She said she was afraid of the dark.., “Then hold my hand”…I welcomed her and she took it.

We walked the dark roads in the rain. I held her close. The empty silence meant something. It is said that love is a silent language spoken between two hearts.

Suddenly, there was dang-dung and the beautiful picture shattered…I woke up with a start and realized it was just a dream!!!!!

Virtual Conscience: I tricked the devil to become a doctor!

“I was in real need of a doctor. Rolling the dot pen in my right, I sat with a clip board in my left, just like all the other patients in the long queue, waiting for my turn. Literally speaking, I had no symptoms of a disease affecting my physical well-being, but rather a half disturbed mind, mental poisoning to be accurate. The fear of being kicked out if I don’t get a decent digging out of “this” doctor for my press was overwhelming.

Time passed like a two-toed sloth trying to digest its yesterday’s meal. My palms were getting sweaty and my little brain was taking every ounce of pressure I put on it by mustering all the negative energy I got, picturing every worst case scenario that may happen if anything went wrong today. It was my last shot and failure was not an option!

About half an hour later, the long line of patients seemed to become less in number. It felt like the doctor knew I was here and he was rushing with the check-ups. As the path to my goal got shorter and shorter, I had half a mind of throwing up, or maybe run away and get directly admitted in the mental asylum. The electronic monitor flashed 619 in red and I looked at the piece of paper in my hand. Yup, it was my turn. I slowly stood up, shifted my specs on my nose straightened my tie and entered for my check-up.

I was quiet surprised to notice that this doctors room was very different from the ones I have seen previously. There were microscopes and little beakers with different colors of liquids oozing gas bubbles. He was sitting in a comfy chair with a half expressed smile on his face which gave me an idea that he knew why I was here. The place gave me the haunting of a mad scientists lab, but I proceeded with the professionalism in me at full. “Hello sir, may I please…” I was half completed with my sentence when he cut across, “Have a seat, your face tells me you’re not sick and your Id says you’re a news reporter. Would you like a cup of tea while I help you or should I say, while you help yourself?” OK, that was completely out of the blue, a more than friendly welcome with flawlessly arranged words, I was getting a bad feeling he could read minds!!!

So I proceeded, did as I was told and explained to him my purpose of the visit and with his permission started the interview. For a few seconds, he was answering quiet normally, but the air in the room took a turn when I asked him, “So, how did you become a doctor?”…There was a smile on his face I could not describe, his eyes narrowed and brows flying off his forehead, “Why don’t you switch off the little recorder in your left pocket and I’ll tell you a secret. I hope you’re not a spy from the government trying to bring me down because I have no intention of getting involved in politics…” his smile broadened…

How did he know? I was caught by surprise as my body responded to his words as if strings were attached to my body which he was controlling from his mind! Whether I was in control or not, I didn’t know but my body did what I was told to do. He smiled again… “Do you know my young friend? Health is not just a word you toss around with those boneless tongues of yours; it is majestic in its way and should be said with respect! It has many dimensions. I for one, happen to be a strong believer of the spiritual dimension. I believe in god and the existence of Lucifer, as there is no darkness without light and no evil without good. When I was sent away on to become a doctor, I was captivated by deep sorrow and my deepest desire, freedom. I was a pure soul, thrown into a world created by Lucifer’s followers, to be tested by god. Lucifer was waiting for me in the shadows. He was clever with his plans. I was falling into every trap he ever laid and slowly my soul became tainted with the blood of ebony.

One rainy night, I had a dream…In the silence of total emptiness; there was a flow of energy, one of a demon and that of an angel. They were pressing against a smaller body, a soul asking for directions, trying to win it over. I don’t remember what exactly happened but when I woke up I was sweating. From the corner of my eye, I noticed a silvery shadow cast by the hollow moon which smiled at me and disappeared in the blink of an eye. I knew what I had to do…

The days went by and I completed my MBBS program and came home. You must be wondering how my soul would have been then. Let me tell you one thing, it was half tainted by the darkness but it could not progress further. You see I tricked the devil and became a doctor.

Later, after one year passed, before I went for a MD in Pediatrics, I was visited by the same silvery thing. Call it my imagination, call it hallucination or call it the fallen angel, I don’t care, because when it disappeared my heart was set for a spirit walk. I started my journey towards the holiest of places on earth with a silent prayer from my silhouette, “Dear god, I know I don’t’ deserve this name, but if I truly am the slave of god, please wash away my sins and make me worth of being addressed by that name…”

It has been 15 years since then, and although I may have changed a bit physically, but within me the young slave still dwells, seeking knowledge and bombarding every little plan of Lucifer. In front of me, Lucifer is now a kid with a tail and horns, which can neither, walk nor talk…someone who has been defeated. My goal now is to educate young minds and warn them about Lucifer. I can only guide, I can’t force change…”

I was thunderstruck with the story, the papers in my clipboard were blank and the only thing I could do was stare at the doctor, blankly. I thanked him, got up and left. I threw the clipboard, pen and my ID in the nearest bin and headed home. It was time for a change, time for my spirit journey to begin…”

At this point there was a loud snore from my room partner and I woke up. I was sweating too. A mystical glow was shining onto my pillow by the rising sun…I was confused about what I saw. There was one thought in my mind…I never saw the face of neither the doctor nor the reporter. If it was the future, who was I? The doctor or the reporter…?

Chapter 6: Heart beats!

13th April 2000

Today was the last day before summer vacation. I had half a mind to go to class but one of my friends, Bishal Acharya asked me to sit out the class until it was over. So I thought why not…let’s just do it…

It was a long and boring day until the lunch break. Just after lunch, I planned on bunking class and Bishal Acharya made me sit glued to my seat.

It was Nair sirs Health promotion class and as usual, without steaming our mind, we just had to switch on the gas in our hands.

Within 30 minutes we finished writing everything and he still didn’t let us leave. Suddenly he said, “Who will sing a song of farewell?” I was laying my head on the desk when the few guys present in the class started screaming my name!

“Ok boy, come up here and sing us a song”. I hesitated just for minute and I stood up with a smile. I knew exactly what to do.

I was handed the microphone when I reached up the stage. I took a deep breath and…

“Ok, so it has been almost 3 months since I’ve been in Nepal and it has been great. This song was taught to me by Bishal Acharya and it goes like this…Eklo jeevan ma kewal saath khojathey…”
Immediately everyone started clapping and all the girls joined in and sang along. For a fraction of a second, I noticed the beautiful smile of the “other” girl along with the smile from my “Bauju”.
I couldn’t take off my eyes from the girls as I was constantly searching for her until…there she was…

There were sparkles all around her as she looked at me from the last bench. She was shy and tried hiding behind her friend. Her smile…it mesmerized my heart…its rhythm changed and it started beating in a new direction!

Chapter 5: Gawking Gala!

15th March 2000

It’s been a long time since then, but the story still continues. The letter was of no use I guess. I mean there was no response and as time passed, everything went back to normal. I sit in my bench and do my thing and she sits in her bench and does her thing.

However, after the first internal exams (which I passed with flying colors and she failed), I noticed something. I’m a guy who has good eyesight plus hearing (thank god for that), so I usually sit in the back benches.

The thought might have occurred to you that she also moved to the back benches. Well, you’re damn right! What was funny is that, me and her, although we sit at opposite benches, we always sit at the same seat! Sometimes both of us would sit at the edge of the benches and I notice her watching me…and I guess she pretty much noticed it when I just stared at her for at least half an hour during Biochemistry class! The mere gap of feet separated us, but somehow, I think our hearts were connected…

Awaiting your return…

The rain came, knocked on my window
My gray eyes, filled with sorrow
The pain felt, were tears on my pillow
My lonely soul, it feels so hollow

I was searching for a reason in my mind
I don’t get it, why’d you leave me behind
I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you, maybe I was blind
Tell me, what was it, you were trying to find?

The aching wound, it’s not so shallow
Our crazy past, leaning on my shadow
It’s really hard, hard to even swallow
Tell me why, what made us wallow?

This little reason I’m trying to find
It’s trying hard, trying to escape my mind
But this time around, I’m not so blind
Sorry, I won’t let you leave me behind

Don’t die on me, my dear friend fellow
I’m waiting for you, just by my window
I’m right here, clinging on to hope so shallow
Come back soon, to take away this sorrow

Welcome back to the riverside...

I couldn’t take the heat of Bhairahawa anymore, so I decided to hit the green hill paradise of Nepal, Pokhara. After a seven hour long journey with one of my friends, Sandy, I was welcomed to their home by Don and Homy. The whole week I spent here was great. If I untie the bag of stories I have from here, it won’t finish till next summer vacation. So let’s cut it short.

Fewa taal.

This is the area where I stayed with Don in his house. It is one of the main tourist attractions of Pokhara and we did boating here a couple of times. After my arrival, I was shortly joined by PP and Dilipo-Filipo. We did boating the whole afternoon, shooting photos and enjoying several snacks throughout.

Power house.

This is not exactly a tourist attraction, but it is a beautiful place to spend some private time. We were showered by the rain half way there, making everything around us as green as ever. We took shelter in a small hut where me and the guys enjoyed a little rain dance.

Davis falls.

I was fortunate to visit this place as I didn’t get a chance to visit this place last time. This time we were accompanied by a crowd of ten and Don was the tour guide. The place was named after the person who fell into the falls…myth or truth, I don’t know. There was a little wishing well at the exit. Although I didn’t believe in that stuff, I flipped a coin just for luck.

Forestry campus.The forestry campus is one place where you can see the “white” river of Pokhara plus, where you find some interesting wildlife. I went there to meet my best friend’s brother, Vivek. It was nice meeting him after a long time and he gave me some post cards.

Manipal Medical College.

The only place where other Maldivians were rumoured to be studying in Nepal was this place. We met our old Biochemistry teacher, who gave us a tour of the place. It was humungus and had better facilities than our own college. What it didn't have was students who respected their teachers and hot girls!

Apart from visiting all these cool places, we played basket ball every evening. We also saw a movie in the theatre, Kites, which I didn’t find that interesting or that boring. I also had diarrhoea for a day and enjoyed a night at the rooftop at my Homy’s place looking at the mountain tops gleaming in silver in the moonlight.

And now, I’m back in Bhairahawa again, and like someone said, time to become a nerd again!

Alone in hell...

After the guys left, I was one of the three seniors staying in the hostel apart from the juniors. I had huge plans for the remaining 14 days. So I started off with cleaning my room. Boy that was hard work. I upturned all the beds and pulled away the cupboards while cursing the worker who cleans the room. It was so dirty! I sprayed all the little bugs and chased a little mouse out of the room that had made his home inside my room partner’s old shoes. I finished cleaning in 3 hours and took a shower. It was almost 3 in the afternoon and the sun was scorching hot.

The temperature was around 45 degrees and I felt drained. I settled on my bed and immediately fell asleep. When I walk up, I was drenched in sweat. It was around 7 in the evening and yet there was no light and no change in the temperature. The heat added to my boiling temper.

The same night, around 12 midnight, a “helicopter” entered my room and I had to search for him for an hour before I could sleep again. (Helicopter is the name I gave to a big beetle that represents a dung beetle but is in golden yellow color. He’s extremely noisy and loves crawling under dark places which are extremely narrow.)The horrible one day alone in the hostel changed my mind and I had a change of plans…I headed towards Pokhara.

Second year summer break...

The heat in Bhairahawa was draining everyone out, when the college finally decided to give us a break of 17 days. I already had plans to stay in the hostel and utilize my privacy to do some interesting stuff. And so, the first day kicked off with my room partner heading towards Pokhara to meet a friend. The next thing I knew, I had agreed to go to Palpa with a gang of ten including some very interesting people.

So first stop this vacation: Palpa

Palpa was a beautiful place hidden within the hills. It took us two hours to reach there but for me, it was like 30 minutes as I was half asleep the whole journey. The amazing thing was although the sun was shining, it didn’t have the burning effect of Bhairahawa. Invited by a dusty cyclone, we took rest near the biggest tea pot I have seen so far. We roamed around a bit, going to several places and finally hit Nanglo to have lunch after walking through the largest gates of Asia.Then after a bit of rest in Nanglo, we headed towards the Mission Hospital.

On the way, we walked up and down a hill, catching glimpses of the valley and its natural beauty all around. It was fun enjoying with the guys and I felt a bit relieved and happy that I came along, because I was initially planning to cancel the trip because my room partner was not going.The mission hospital was big and well maintained. The interior was clean and represented qualities that our hospital lacked. After the tour of mission hospital was over, we finally started to search for a place to settle in. Almost all the places were packed and we finally found a place which was far better than most of the places we’ve checked.

The Greenhill Hotel and Lodge was a small 3 story building maintained by a very friendly Aunty and her kiddo was the “DON” of Pokhara. The night fell and we enjoyed a spectacular party in the dining room where I discovered and found out several new things which I didn’t know previously. The party helped me get some answers that I searched for and I was finally free to let go of things. It was fun fun fun and more fun till the last minute before everyone called it a night.

The next morning we went to Ranimal, the Taj Mahal of India in Nepal. It was a long journey on foot where we had to cross 5 hills. We discovered our new symbol and had a great time running up and down the “orallo’s”. The place was beautiful but the inside was hollow as it was being renovated. We didn’t spend much time there, and the journey back to the starting point took us almost 4 hours. Everyone was tired, but we caught a bus and returned safely back to Bhairahawa.

Next morning everyone went their own separate ways, leaving me to my own mischief ;)…

Chapter 4: The Letter

7th February 2000

After the happenings of the previous events, I had half a mind of sending her another note.
One night me and my friend Bishal Gurung, were alone in my room and I had the craziest idea. I thought of writing a letter! So I started writing one. I completed it and it actually was kinda good. My friend thought I should give it to her. But I had a better idea…
Anyway, first the letter. This is the original..

Dearest,
A letter like this and I kind of have an idea what you may be thinking. But no, this is not a love letter. This may sound ridiculous, but I’m not a person who runs after girls or flirts with them till they drop dead. I just want some friends from the opposite sex.
I mean, I kinda’ miss the friends I have at home, most of the girls there I mean. Because in my +2 class, there used to be only three boys and twenty four girls. We spent 24-7 together so I guess that makes me miss them a lot. Plus I have a feeling that hanging around with boys for the rest of the year or maybe 6 years time may “gay me out”.
So please, just friends? Mujse dhosti karoge?

Anyway, what I did was I wrote 2 letters, gave one to her and the other to the second girl. See ya :p

Parasites...

Normally, in the world of Medicine, in simple terms a parasite is an organism which requires a host to survive as it obtains food and shelter from the host. The host is harmed while the parasite survives. Until now, I thought as parasites as organisms that existed only in the medical world. But, if you take a closer look at our existence, you’ll be surprised to find parasites among Homo Sapiens too.

I’ve spend nearly one tenth of a decade in a place far away from home, with friends and no family. I’ve met so many different people in this short period of time and I’ve got to say that there is one particular disease the Human parasites love enhancing; Mental Poisoning or Emotional Blackmail.

Nobody can survive very long only on food and water without companionship. Somehow or another, a person must find away to interact with another to feel as part of the same existence. When we meet people who share a common interest, we call them friends. We share each others happiness and sorrows together eventually leading to a good relationship built up on the foundation of trust.

After trusting a person, we open up a bit, crawl out of that shell we’ve been hiding in for so long. We taste the sweet smell of a whole new world and we become free fliers. We expand our borders of freedom and start dominating our lives and that’s when the true personality of a person shines. We start discovering ourselves as we slowly discover the nature of the people around us.

Now let me tell you how to identify a human parasite. The human parasites have three major characteristic features. One, they are your friends. Two, they’ve got a huge Ego problem and three, they love backbiting.

If you tell them that they're making a mistake or doing something wrong, they'll tell you that they’re always right and you’re the one who’s wrong. If by chance you become closer to one of their friends than them, they’ll tell you not to get in between them and friends. If you tell them a secret, they remember to spread it out as soon as you’re out of ear shot. If you tell them not to commit crime, they’ll tell you that you’re not their father to order them around.

If they're“high” and you tell them something, the next day they’ll come and say you tried to shoot us down while we were flying high. If they're enjoying with their friends with you alongside and when you’re invited by their friends to join in the fun, they’ll say he’s not one of us, leave him out. When you’re not around they love polishing your name with mud and making you look like a low life. When they want something, they’ll come to you and say that you’re the best, when they get what they want, you’re just one of those “other” people around. When you ask why, they just say you’re different and they only hang out with people like them!

I haven’t discovered any particular cure for this, but there was a saying in one of the Community Medicine books I read, “Prevention is better than cure”.
So, I guess it’s not important to put all your trust in your friends, sometimes learn to use your enemies too.

Chapter 3: Luck and Notes

3rd February 2000

Finally they caught me and dumped me into the Freshers, I was supposed to be the slave master…It was a horrible day for me as I was woken up by the seniors to hit the stage at 10 in the morning without any breakfast. I was in the back stage dressing up (it didn't look like a slave masters clothes, more like a girls bathing suit) when I saw the nervous faces of my batch mates lining up. I was ready to tease them with the huge stick like thing I had and was about to go when my eyes caught a glimpse of her. Wearing typical Nepali clothes she looked…

I was spellbound by her very sight. The senior said that all I had to do was escort them to the stage. I was thinking that this was my lucky day. Suddenly, out of nowhere, the host of the show appeared. "You there" pointing at me she said, "You'll escort the boys!" My face shattered like glass. It felt like a stupid little black cloud was hovering above my head, shooting thunder bolts with heavy rain. Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeez…why me and why now!

The show was amazing any how. I did as I was told and I got the chance to watch her dance. Not, the whole thing but just glimpses. It wasn't so bad I guess. Anyway at the end of the show I was just changing in the changing room with a howling stomach when all of a sudden the door opened and there she stood! A sweat drop clinging on the back of my forehead, I was only in my half pants and body naked. She just stared and I stared back. "Sorry" she blurted out and went away and I collapsed on the chair behind me with a sigh. I guess it was my lucky day after all.

This morning in class, I wrote a note to her. It said,
"Congrats on becoming Ms. Freshers 2000. I passed a note 'cause I didn't want to create a scene."

= Maldives =

(Nazim)

I expected an immediate reply, but instead she passed the note around and a lot of heads turned in my direction. I was kinda' embarrassed. But as usual, my split personality was greater.
I was feeling down when the thought occurred to me that she might just ignore it. I mean who was I right? A complete stranger…

After class I was having lunch and one of the guys came with a note. He was smiling. I opened it and it said…
Thank you….. = _ _ _ _ _=

Chapter two: Facts and reasons

31st January 2000

It’s funny how it actually started. I mean I never looked at any girl in class seriously. One fine morning, I just walked into class and she smiled at me. That’s how I noticed the first girl in the first bench. To tell you the truth, I’m straight and I’m not gay. But still, even though the fact remained, I had no interest in getting myself hooked up with girl for time pass; typically, it means I’m not a jerk! I had no intention of falling into a deep whole from where I couldn’t pick myself up or something, ‘cause I’ve been there and done that.

It was just after lunch again, me and Bishal were returning to class and Bishal took a detour to the boys “common room” and I made my way to class. There she was again, looking at me and smiling again. There definitely was eye contact and people say that eye contact means something. Yet I took it lightly, I think I smiled back but passed the day as usual. I’m sure nothing had happened ‘cause, I heard no violins and I saw no rainbows.

Later, while we were walking back to the hostel, I confessed this to Bishal and he said to me that girls smiled at you for two reasons, 1. They like you (in a friendly way), 2. They’re teasing you. For a moment I pondered on the facts and imagined myself, a big walrus with pot-belly and thin limbs, yea right! She was probably teasing me. Hey, don’t get me wrong, I may be a bit bulky (5’8” and 96 Kilos), still I don’t fail to cast my charm on the opposite sex and look sexy!

Well, the practices for “Freshers” have begun as well. It’s actually a mass ragging type of thing where all the juniors will be on stage and you’ll perform and you’ll be rated and if you fail to catch the bar, you’ll be ragged by all the seniors there. Imagine the horror! Well, to tell you the truth, I can’t ‘cause I’m not part of it. Catch ya laiters amigo. Night..

Someone to lean on....

Walking on a moonless night
Everyone has someone to lean on
Silently searching for a ray of light
Alone I didn’t want to go on

As the loneliness surrounds me
A tear drop clings on to my lashes
I smile for myself as I hear it plea
Don’t let me fall into the ashes

Head down, I slowly turn around
Even my shadow seems to have left me
I wanted to cry, but couldn’t make a sound
Why me lord, why me

Friends they say they are
So I hold on to them all the time
I wish I had something fun to share
So that at least I too would feel fine

In their own world they fly on
And here I am in my own little world
Waiting for someone to break the wall
So that I too find someone to lean on…

A doctors secret life...

Chapter one: The book with no name

Cold wind struck my face as I took my first few steps towards the hospital. A Punjabi guy came trotting along to greet me and lead me to one of those hospital cabins as the hostel was full at the moment. I opened the door to my new room and switched on the lights. The guy put my luggage in and left. I stood there for a while and stared at the total emptiness. “So, this is it…” I thought to myself. Tears stung my eyes as I realized that this was the place I was going to spend six whole years of my life, alone, away from family and friends. I slowly unpacked, changed and crawled under the blankets and tried to sleep. Sweet but now painful memories of home rocked me away into a dreamland of nothingness.

The very next morning, I woke up early, got dressed and sat on my bed hoping that someone would bring me breakfast. I mean that’s how they should treat a new student right. I waited and waited, but no one came. After two hours of waiting, I thought to myself, mom isn’t here anymore…time to pick myself up and welcome a new life in a new place. I stood up, locked my room and started searching for food like a stray dog.

I managed to walk out the hospital and found cubicles of shops everywhere. I had some money, so I bought some fruits and went back to my room. The day passed slowly as I lay on my bed doing nothing and just thinking about the year ahead when all of a sudden someone knocked on my door. “Hello, my name is Dean. You must be the new student. Nice to meet you…” I thought it was good manners, so I smiled and introduced myself properly.

We sat down and he told me everything about the college and the rules. He didn’t waste time telling me about the seniors and ragging. I was astonished to be introduced into a whole new world of torture! After sometime we went out and had some tea and returned to his room where I met more Nepali boys. My mind strayed away from home as I found company and I enjoyed myself telling them about my home land. The next thing I knew, it was already dinner time. (Where the hell did all the time go?) After a typical Nepali dinner, which consisted of basically rice, dhal and vegetables I returned to my room and started to settle in.

I opened my cupboard and started dusting it when my eyes fell upon a small black book. I took it out and flipped the pages casually. The black ink reminded me of a doctor’s prescription. I switched off the tube light and put on the study lamp at my table as I sat down examining the little black book. It had no name, just the numbers “2000” imprinted upon it in gold writing…I didn’t mean to invade others privacy or anything but out of curiosity, I started reading…

29th January 2000

“….It has been two full days since I got here and still, I can’t help missing my family. The food in the canteen sucks and it reminds me of the half empty dinner plates I left at home. I mean come on, who is willing to spend the rest of their life eating rabbit food? There’s no internet as well and I can’t even use facebook. Jesus, you can’t imagine the BOREDOM!!! Anyway, I’ve made friends, but most of the time they talk in Nepali. I don’t understand anything they say. I sometimes wonder whether they talk about me.

Today some new guys came to the cabin side as the hostel was full. Bishal, Sushan, Krishna and another Bishal. Just like the other Nepali boys, they seemed nice and very friendly. I just sat there listening to them chat and the guy called Bishal, the tall Bishal I mean, asked me whether I was alright. I said I’m always fine and have no problems at all. He wondered why I was keeping so quiet and I told him that I’m from Maldives and I don’t understand their language at all. So he started to talk in English and I thanked him…Otherwise, nothing much..

But, before I jot down the last full stop, let me tell you something. The girls in the class are hot and someone has already caught my attention! See ya. Night…”

The first page gave me feeling that I was going to enjoy reading a seniors diary. There was still time before twelve…so I thought I’ll keep on reading and if it got interesting, maybe reading till sunrise wouldn’t be a waste of sleep…I flipped the page and started reading again…

200 & nine!

Another year, GONE! For all you Harry Potter fans that phrase may sound quiet familiar. Anyway, I apologise for keeping you in the dark, un-entertained. If I’d be searching for an excuse, it’d just be this one word, LIFE.

I never knew that when I took the first step towards something real in my life, I would have to make a lot of sacrifices. I don’t even remember how fast the year went. The only entities that I can re-call in a flash back of the gone year is a lot of tears when I buckled up to start walking towards the light, leaving my family and beloved ones behind…The new friends made, trust and loyalty, determination and disrespect, the countless mistakes and how I picked myself up…The happiness at the end of the year when I finally got a break to meet those who made me miss them so much. But that’s all behind me now. It’s a new year, a new dawn and already I find myself trying to find out as much as I can about myself and the end.

I strayed off my path last year and broke a few promises to heal the some opened wounds. Everyone is selfish. This world is selfish. That’s one thing I learned the hard way. It has always been difficult to expect the truth but honestly speaking, I can’t tell you how much I have changed. I can feel a difference. It’s either me or the world around me.

So in this new chapter of life, I’d like to start off with no promises. I’ll try my best to buy you guys sometime and thanks for coming back and the interest you show. That’s the only fuel that keeps my engines running.